“The one strategy to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, transfer with it, and be a part of the dance.” ~Alan Watts
I have to admit, pricey reader, that I wasn’t at all times a fan of change—not even a bit. I wouldn’t say I entered this world naturally inclined towards new or unfamiliar issues.
Like many youngsters, I discovered consolation in routine—the enjoyment that comes from abnormal moments repeating themselves. Whether or not we notice it or not, repetition builds a psychological framework that quietly defines our consolation zones.
Perhaps that’s the place id begins, slowly formed over time. And maybe that’s why, whereas others wrestle to recall their earliest years, I keep in mind mine so clearly—as a result of the inspiration of my childhood was disrupted early on by a dramatic shift.
You see, my early years have been divided between two drastically completely different elements of the world. One chapter unfolded within the acquainted calm of the US; the subsequent, within the chaotic hum of a growing nation.
It’s not the most common of childhood tales, however I used to be pulled from my life in San Francisco and thrown into the Philippines as a six-year-old lady. My story begins simply earlier than that life-changing transfer—within the coronary heart of a metropolis I known as dwelling.
Easy Days
My first reminiscences of San Francisco are stuffed with pigeons on sidewalks, ice cream at Pier 39, sunshine in Yerba Buena Park, and seafood dinners with buckets of crab, shrimp, and fish. My mother and father ran a small nook retailer beneath our residence whereas holding full-time jobs.
That store was the supply of many joyful moments—snacking on sweet, hotdogs, and no matter treats we may get. I can nonetheless keep in mind the structure of our three-bedroom residence, the social gathering room the place my grandfather handed out chips, and the rooftop playground the place we rollerbladed and performed tag.
As a toddler, I used to be energetic and loud, particularly in class. I usually obtained in hassle—not for something critical, however for being talkative, fidgety, or overly enthusiastic.
That trait hasn’t gone away. I nonetheless get excited simply—a lot so that individuals typically query whether or not my enthusiasm is actual.
However I by no means needed to tone it down. Perhaps I watched too many Robin Williams films. Then once more, it was the nineties.
These have been the easy, joyful days I’ve at all times cherished—at the beginning modified.
Into Chaos
Image a six-year-old who had simply began first grade, nonetheless speaking about Disneyland, now sitting on a airplane heading to the opposite facet of the world. The irony wasn’t misplaced on me—touring to my household’s nation of origin and but feeling like a stranger to it.
All I had was the unknown forward of me—and a handful of roasted peanuts to calm my nerves.
Nevertheless it didn’t take lengthy for the brand new actuality to hit. I used to be thrown into a very completely different world—quick, loud, and suddenly.
Gone have been the paved sidewalks. Of their place: dusty roads with no curbs. The rivers I as soon as knew have been now polluted waterways, lined with trash and a lingering scent that hung within the air.
Mud rose with each passing car. The site visitors moved like chaos—vehicles weaving, horns blaring, folks altering “lanes” at will. Wanting again, it felt like a recreation of MarioKart—bikes, jeepneys, vans all racing with out guidelines.
And seatbelts? Nonexistent. Folks clung to the backs of buses, fingers gripping metallic bars for stability. Actually, even Mario Kart had extra order.
The toughest half, although, was adjusting to the standard circumstances of our new dwelling. There was no scorching water, so my mom would boil it in a kettle and pour it right into a basin each day.
Energy outages have been frequent, and when it rained, the streets usually flooded—typically with rodents or worse floating previous as we walked dwelling. Cockroaches flew via the air, and lizards skittered throughout the partitions throughout breakfast.
Certain sufficient, phrases like “disturbed,” “terrified,” or “confused” don’t fairly seize how I felt.
Homesick
It’s solely pure to really feel overwhelmed in that type of atmosphere at such a younger age. I keep in mind the shock vividly and the way a lot I missed the world I had left behind.
If I’d been youthful, perhaps I wouldn’t have seen. However I used to be already conscious of the world and my place in it.
I’d realized to watch, mimic, and ask questions. I used to be delicate and curious—and all of that made the transition tougher.
I missed San Francisco—my faculty, my classmates, the little issues that made life really feel regular.
And although I’m not happy with it, I noticed myself as completely different from the folks round me. That discomfort turned my first lesson in how flawed concepts of “otherness” really are—a lesson that might develop with me over time.
However there was nonetheless a lot extra to study.
Sluggish Opening
Once you resist a state of affairs, it turns into simple to evaluate the whole lot round you. That judgment breeds negativity, and earlier than lengthy, it colours your whole expertise. Sooner or later, the one means ahead is acceptance.
Someway, I discovered the power to cease resisting and take issues one step at a time. As a result of wherever you might be on the earth, the necessity for human connection by no means modifications.
So I went together with it. I confirmed as much as faculty, even once I couldn’t perceive my classmates’ language.
I attempted. On daily basis, I attempted—slowly selecting up phrases, watching how folks spoke, doing my greatest to be open.
Ultimately, the language started to make sense. I began to come back out of my shell.
With my siblings, I explored the road meals that confirmed up every week in our neighborhood—ice lotions in native flavors served with magic chocolate, scorching tacky corn, bitter mangoes with fermented fish paste, salty pork and beef barbecue skewers, fried fish balls with oyster sauce, and caramelized bananas. Unusual at first, however so scrumptious.
One unforgettable second I can nonetheless recall was when our whole constructing misplaced energy for a number of hours. These “brownouts,” because the locals known as them, occurred usually and with out warning.
It was at all times inconvenient, however on that individual evening, massive teams of children and oldsters got here out of their houses through the outage. Regardless of the darkness, candles and battery-powered lights lined up the perimeters of the open areas, imbuing the whole constructing with a heat glow.
I can nonetheless keep in mind having fun with the comfy ambiance they made together with the background sounds of small discuss and guitar music whereas assembly different neighbor youngsters for the primary time. Little did I do know that a number of of them would develop into a few of my closest buddies and playmates for a number of years to come back.
That evening modified one thing in me, and never simply from the potential of new friendships, however as a result of it was the primary time in my life that I noticed how a begrudging inconvenience could possibly be reworked into a wonderful second of connection.
Small World
After that, my power returned, although with extra warning. In any case, it was nonetheless life in a third-world nation I used to be coping with, and it was not very tough to get damage at random, like somebody working your foot over with their automobile by chance.
Nonetheless, earlier than lengthy, I used to be talking fluently, enjoying after faculty, and venturing out to purchase snacks within the neighborhood. It was frequent for households to hold indicators of what they have been promoting outdoors their houses.
With just some cash, I may purchase sweet, pastries, or a tender drink tied in a plastic bag. It wasn’t the standard strategy to drink, however on scorching days, it felt like a deal with.
There have been loads of native sights that stayed with me—boys climbing coconut bushes, outdated males puzzled by Halloween. However there have been additionally shared experiences: Gameboys, Nokia telephones, WWE wrestling, karaoke, and pop music from Britney to Eminem. At this level, it was the 2000s.
In some ways, I began to see how large and small the world might be suddenly—how tradition spreads and the way a lot we share, irrespective of the gap.
Lasting Classes
We spent 4 years within the Philippines. By the tip, I felt at dwelling in a way of life that after felt not possible.
However ultimately, we returned. And once I sat in a California fifth-grade classroom once more, it felt surreal.
There have been well-dressed lecturers, Costco cupcakes, and cubbies painted in vibrant colours. All the things appeared polished—and but, I felt like I had lived a secret life.
It’s laborious to explain. Perhaps it’s one thing you’ll be able to solely perceive when you’ve lived it. It felt like carrying two childhoods inside one life.
My character shifted. I turned extra grounded, extra grateful—for electrical energy, scorching water, and the only comforts.
I realized to worth what really issues: connection, group, and confidence—not constructed on materials issues however earned via effort and coronary heart. That’s the lesson that’s stayed with me, and I carried it into my teenage years, into instructing English within the Czech Republic, and into my present life right here in Finland.
I’ll be eternally grateful for my childhood years within the Philippines. It taught me that abundance and shortage can stay facet by facet—and that typically, in embracing the artwork of much less, you uncover a lot extra.
About Retzel Frivolously
Retzel Frivolously is a author and creator of Cherish & Jots—an area exploring the attractive mess of being human via essays on creativity, tradition, private development, life classes, and well-being. On the coronary heart of her writing is a deep perception within the energy of self-direction in a world stuffed with noise. Subscribe to her weekly e-newsletter for inspiration, intention-setting prompts, and significant insights to information your days with readability and function. Retzel lives in Finland and shares frequently on her web site.