Not too long ago I discussed the brand new Canyon Grizl. Since then I’ve watched a video about it, and I can confidently say the Grizl is totally redefining the gravel bike, biking, and life itself. Right here is that video:
In it, we meet Lars Wagner, the genius who invented the Grizl:
“To make a hybrid with out compromises it’s important to search for synergies,” he explains. I don’t know what meaning, and I believe neither does he. He additionally refuses to reveal the key location of the Grizlcraft Analysis Lab, although I believe it’s deep in a mountain someplace and guarded by expendable flunkies who’re routinely killed when spies from Specialised sneak up behind them.
That is adopted by fast clips of what I can solely describe as spastic biking, sorry if that offends you:
Presumably that is to warn us that the Grizl handles extraordinarily poorly, as a result of I see no different motive to indicate individuals crashing in your product video…until they’re brokers from Specialised attempting to flee on their shitty Diverges.
“However you don’t wish to make it sophisticated and heavy,” the Grizl’s inventor continues, as we watch a girl Jesus-carry this factor up the aspect of a mountain for some motive:
Possibly the concept they’re attempting to convey right here is that the Grizl not solely handles poorly, however is so downright harmful to journey that you simply’re higher off simply carrying it.
Canyon Street & Gravel Model Supervisor Matt Leake then tells us that “Grizlin’” is British slang for “simply going for a gravel journey with none efficiency objectives,” which is odd as a result of he’s using a coach whereas he tells us this:
We additionally see individuals presumably occurring a gravel journey with none efficiency objectives:
[They’re just out there grizlin’ and looking for synergies.]
At this level each the bike and the video think of one other casual British verb, and I imagine it’s pronounced “Wankin’.”
Then there’s extra footage of individuals carrying the bike, simply to remind you to remain the hell off of it no matter you do:
We then hear from an actual life “biking journalist and bike tester:”
As you may suspect from his job description, he tells us completely nothing helpful about something.
Then Taylor Phinney tells us whereas trying round distractedly that whereas racing he used to only spend his time trying round distractedly and wishing he may simply go like wander and discover and stuff:
That’s the face, mustache and ratty t-shirt of somebody who actually simply must Purchase A Rivendell Already.
Then some individuals with out jobs let you know how good it’s to journey round and simply, like, be, in a manner that basically makes you wish to inform them to fuck off:
After which a bunch of people that have jobs promoting bikes clarify to you the way fantastic this one is, together with Gravel Product Supervisor Matthias Eurich, seen right here stroking his large imaginary penis:
Astute readers will be aware that earlier we heard from the “Street and Gravel Model Supervisor,” and may discover themselves questioning what the distinction is between a Gravel Model Supervisor and a Gravel Product Supervisor, and why a motorbike firm wants each. I do not know. Nonetheless, I do know that if Canyon doesn’t promote sufficient Grizls at the very least one in all them goes to be out of a job.
Then there’s some extra strolling:
I’m tempted to invoke the “Simply Purchase A Rivendell Already” admonition, nevertheless it looks like these individuals must skip the bike altogether and simply get an excellent pair of climbing boots.
I believe I discovered that synergy they had been searching for.