In 2022, my mum, Michelle, was identified with ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis). Her analysis was scary and sudden. With no treatment, no actually efficient therapies, and a mean life expectancy of simply three to 4 years, ALS is a deadly motor neuron illness that severs the mind’s connection to the physique. We have been informed that Mum would step by step lose the flexibility to stroll, converse, eat, and breathe, all whereas remaining absolutely mentally conscious.
“I’m not offended at my physique anymore,” Mum mentioned one night time whereas we have been driving, just a few months after her analysis. The streetlights lit up the facet of her face as we handed beneath them. She was smiling. “I is probably not round so long as different individuals, however I’ve liked my life.”
I gripped the steering wheel, at a loss for what to say. I used to be very offended at her physique. At fifty-five, she wasn’t imagined to be dying. She was imagined to be right here for a very long time—a long time.
“Forgiving our our bodies — for dying, for growing old, for changing into sick — can really feel inconceivable, even radical, nevertheless it’s important”
However regardless of my protests, her physique was in reality dying. Over the following yr, my household and I stumbled by means of the method of caring for her as her sickness progressed. Mum died peacefully simply earlier than Christmas, two years after her analysis.
Caring for my mom as she approached the tip was extremely troublesome, nevertheless it additionally woke up a elementary consciousness in me: Mum was dying, and so have been we, finally. Perhaps not now, possibly not quickly, however undeniably and inevitably. Dying is at all times within the room with us—unstated however palpable, lingering within the air.
On this concern, we replicate on the common nature of loss of life and methods we will strategy it with better knowledge. As Judy Lief writes in her article “The Tibetan E book of the Lifeless Isn’t Simply About Dying” (web page 44), considering loss of life will not be solely important for making ready for the tip of our lives, it’s additionally key to understanding the on a regular basis actuality of impermanence and struggling. “Our lives are marked by fixed change and loss, by shifting and overwhelming energies and feelings, and by the determined seek for stable floor,” she observes. Buddhist teachings on confronting the nice transition of loss of life can, subsequently, provide steerage for navigating the smaller losses and transformations we encounter every day.
Though loss of life is at all times with us, for many of our lives, we keep away from talking and even interested by it. It may be uncomfortable and even deeply painful to ponder, however all of us share the reality that to be alive signifies that we dwell, we lose, we grieve—many times.
Forgiving our our bodies—for dying, for growing old, for changing into sick—can really feel inconceivable, even radical, nevertheless it’s important if we need to absolutely respect the time now we have. We will love our lives, even whereas figuring out that sooner or later they’ll finish. Mum got here to grasp this early on. She held deep compassion for her physique, for her life, and, I consider, for all of us who bore witness, and I couldn’t admire her extra for that.
