This previous weekend I traveled to San Francisco for the Grateful Lifeless’s sixtieth anniversary reveals—4 days, 6 reveals together with help bands, a pair thousand porta potties (okay, perhaps few hundred), and about 20 miles of strolling. Plus later nights, loopy consuming schedule… and a lot enjoyable! A not even 5 years in the past, that mileage would’ve been a coaching weekend (or day!). Now it’s sufficient to wish a restoration plan. Ice. Elevation. Perhaps remedy (all the time!)
Journey is rarely precisely straightforward, however add in perimenopause and instantly it’s a scavenger hunt for consolation. My knees weren’t amused by the hills or the hours of standing. The cool Bay Space climate helped, type of… however right here’s the factor: temperature turns into fully relative if you’re in perimenopause. I don’t get conventional sizzling flashes, however as soon as I warmth up, my physique holds onto that heat prefer it’s treasured. Sweat doesn’t evaporate—it commits. My shirt stays damp lengthy after the second has handed. To some… if TMI, STOP READING. Decide me I’m Not involved, or alone on this!
And that brings me to packing.
Packing for perimenopause feels loads like packing for a race. Really this whole weekend jogged my memory of a race weekend! Over planning and prepping and the. Properly… fingers crossed. Strategic layers, moisture-wicking materials, backup choices, and a contact of hope. To not point out my trusty Lume deodorant and a wide range of wipes (hey I all the time carry wipes by no means know when they’re out of cleaning soap!) Breathable cloth are non-negotiable. Stretchy is appreciated. And let’s not neglect enjoyable—as a result of if I’m going to be driving the hormonal rollercoaster, I’d at the least love to do it in a cute high. (Ideally one which hides sweat and doubles as sleepwear in case I hand over midway by means of the day and take a nap in public.)
Then there’s the lavatory state of affairs. Porta potties are a shared trauma for many outside event-goers; particularly ladies. However if you’re deep in perimenopause, that bladder urgency turns a mildly annoying second right into a recurring plot twist. I’ll go, really feel achieved, get up, stroll three toes… and understand I’m not achieved. Cue spherical two. Typically I simply get again in line! No hiding this anymore. My boyfriend is aware of. I do know. Everybody close by in all probability is aware of too. However I take consolation within the solidarity—different ladies hear me speak about it and nod with that look of thanks for saying it out loud.
That’s the factor with perimenopause: even if you’re doing every part “proper,” managing your way of life, diet, motion, mindset—it nonetheless sneaks up. There’s all the time one thing new. Some days it’s an emotional wave. Some days it’s knees that harm greater than regular, or sleep that by no means fairly arrives, or waking up feeling like somebody swapped out your joints in a single day.
It’s like throughout the early pandemic days—each bizarre symptom despatched you down a rabbit gap. “Is it allergy symptoms or COVID?” has now turn into “Is it growing older, a meals I ate, or perimenopause?” Google has principally turn into my bestie and late night time companion (I actually have a strained tendon in my finger from propping the phone-i can’t win people!)
And talking of sleep… resort sleep is all the time dicey, however if you’re already sleep-fragile, it’s next-level. Totally different mattress. Bizarre pillows. A companion who falls asleep immediately and snores prefer it’s a flex. In the meantime, I’m staring on the ceiling, knees throbbing, debating whether or not I ought to simply go to the lavatory once more although I simply went; learn, go fir a limp across the constructing, kill him-really simply snort and admire his dedication and help (all the time!). I’m principally on a one-woman in a single day relay race between the mattress, the lavatory, and attempting to not get up my smugly sleeping boyfriend. Bragger haha!
And right here’s the kicker: I’m hobbling round Golden Gate Park like somebody twice my age, knees cracking, stopping to stretch, and attempting to not audibly groan each time I sit down(did you all notice-please say no). In the meantime, on stage, are two of the unique band members—on both facet of 80 years outdated—completely killing it. Taking part in for hours, dealing with it just like the heroes they’re, displaying up with grit and beauty. It made me really feel an odd mixture of awe, humility, and motivation. I imply, if they’ll nonetheless rock out in a capris, birds, and his Jedi robeat 77, I can handle my creaky knees with somewhat extra pleasure. Or at the least perspective.
And but, regardless of the sweat, the knees, the lavatory marathons, and the dearth of sleep—it was a nice journey. I laughed. I danced. I sang together with hundreds of people that simply needed to really feel one thing. I moved my physique, and I felt alive. Even after I was exhausted, I used to be grateful. As a result of that is the place I’m. This model of me is extra weak, sure—but in addition extra sincere, extra actual, and extra open.
Do I get bummed out typically? After all. However I additionally sort of love who I’m changing into.
And actually, I really like who I am.
We simply don’t all the time agree.
How was YOUR weekend?